Question: Why do I want my boyfriend back after he treated me so badly?
Answer: Here are just a few reasons.
When have you stopped a behavior or habit and didn’t think about it or miss it? I quit smoking years ago and still love to smell the first light of a cigarette. We are human. We don’t have a switch in our brains that just flip off. Sweet son of a bitch could you imagine if we did? How lovely would that be! Our minds miss what we had…period. It doesn’t make it healthy or good. It just makes it normal.
Here’s another reason. I’m sure your entire relationship wasn’t bad. Because of this, you grasp onto the positive instead of remembering all of the negative. This also makes you long for your ex. Again, not healthy or good, but completely normal.
Let’s not forget that your abuser undoubtedly programmed your brain to devote yourself to him and believe you couldn’t make it without him. Obviously you can make it just fine without him but your brain needs time to relax and adjust to this new life before it can truly process that this is the only way to be free and happy.
Your shitty relationship didn’t span one night. Your recovery won’t span that time period either. Give yourself some time and do not give him contact!
Know when to say you’re sorry.
I went for a drive last weekend with my fiance. It was a nice drive but he was stressed out over...everything that’s happening in the world.
I could tell he was upset but it had nothing to do with me. That’s when I began to notice I was spending the day apologizing for things that I was not responsible for.
A car pulled out in front of him and I apologized for that happening to him. What? Yeah.
The restaurant we wanted to get take out from was still closed. I apologized because we couldn’t eat there. Really? Yeah.
This continued for about two hours before I realized what I was doing. I couldn’t believe after all these years in a healthy relationship, I still reverted back to my toxic baggage when I became triggered by my fiance’s bad mood.
I quickly changed my reactions, stopped feeding on his bad mood and just let him be. We got through the day and the next morning we were back to normal.
We must always try to recognize these behaviors in us. There will always be times when we should apologize. We hurt feelings. We forget a birthday. We make a mistake. Those are on us and we should say we’re sorry.
But we should never, ever, feel the need to apologize for something that has nothing to do with us.