On May 10th, 2011, I was reborn.
I’m sorry. Let me start that over. Nine years ago yesterday, my husband left me and I was destroyed. Yes, that’s a better description of what happened.
I call it the day of my rebirth because it truly was. Him leaving was the best thing that could have happened to me, though at the time it ravaged my soul.
I had a hard time eating, sleeping, breathing. I didn’t want to die but I didn’t want to be conscience. When I was conscience, my head swirled with sad thoughts, mean thoughts. I was driving myself crazy.
It was during that time that I created a happy place in my head. A place where I still go to slow down my mind. I share it with you now.
My happy place is the middle of the ocean. I lay on my mattress with a light blanket. My mattress doesn’t sink and doesn’t absorb the water. It just floats and sways gently on the waves. It is on my bed where I feel most comfortable so I chose to have it be the only other personal object in my place.
The sun doesn’t hurt my eyes and I don’t get sunburned, even though I’m not wearing any sunblock. Sometimes there are clouds in the sky, other times there are jellyfish that swim by. Once I saw a cruise ship sail past in the distance.
This place is perfect for two reasons: the openness and vastness of the ocean surface immediately causes me to relax and mixing up what I see when I’m there forces me to stay focused on my happy place.
This is a quick description of what I have created in my mind. I hope it has helped you. Feel free to reach out and ask for more help finding your own happy place. We all need one.
Question: Is it normal to miss someone that was so bad for you?
Answer: Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be? Your relationship died. You must mourn it.
This is a real problem when people leave toxic relationships. They feel that because the other person was so terrible, they should only feel happiness now that it’s over. Human beings don’t work that way.
It takes time to “get over it”. You must feel what has happened. You must cry for what is gone. You must learn to be alone. You must retrain your brain to your new life. You must go through a lot to get to the other side.
Be gentle with yourself. Yes, that word may be a new concept or one you need to remember. But, you deserve gentleness especially right now. I mean, not from me. I’m not a gentle person and I’m not afraid to tell you you’re being a schmuck.
Just know that whatever you’re feeling is normal and natural and part of the healing process. Let it in so you can begin to let it go. You schmuck.